round six...sink or swim and will there be a blood bath???

it is round six. i have had my chakras cleared. i have donated to the salvation army. i have taken the dog for a walk, forced my teenager to have a haircut. i have almost finished cleaning my room. my lady garden is trim and in order. my parking fines are all up to date and i have not had one evil thought about the crows...well somehow i don't think it is gonna help coz seriously we could be in for a bloodbath. and why would i care you may be thinking viewers? because i am actually going to the game. OMG son number two being the freo fan he is has requested i take him. i said listen up...it could be ugly. i said listen here... it could be a bloodbath. if we go we stay till the end. and his response let's go mum i don't think we will, i don't care if we lose. and that viewers is what supporting is all about. going to support your team when the times are tough. being prepared to put yourself into enemy territory when your team is down and out and everyone has predicted a shellacking. going to the game when you have been advised to stay at home. stranger things have happened folks. sometimes when your back is against the wall and you think you have no chance then voila you just might pull it outta your bumcrack!!!

     however that was not the case today. we stood firmly on the hill. son number two supported  with passion and gusto. in fact i have to admit i was wondering where all the noise was. quiet folks that's what it was even for fans whose team was winning. if i have to take one swipe then the atmosphere was dull and that much is true but then what do you expect when half the stadium comes from the nursing home...OUCH, shame on me!!! hee,hee. considering the outs for freo and predicting crows current form with a home ground advantge i was thinking in the vicinity of a good 60-70 points or more would not be surprising. i have to say freo toughed it out but their kicking for goal let them down and that was the crows escape clause. yes they won but most would have to admit it wasn't actually very impressive. so a blood bath it was not and i give thanks to the footy gods for taking mercy on son number two. now i ask you give me the same courtesy.

     as i type the game is on. i have been distracting myself with jobs, checking the score every now and then. we have a representative from the lady army at the G, yes second in command little sista. as yet i have heard nothing as the second quarter ends. then for friggin footballs i find out is on TV...WTF??? ( what the footballs???) lovie told me it was only on foxtel. feralina in command of finding my football husband has rung me for  a half time analysis...drats no can do. so viewers i better practice what i preach and tough it out and put myself in front of the telly to witness whether we sink or swim... OMG can i do it? will i jinx them? will we win? only one way to find out...

cheers, FFFandF XXX

PS please stop kicking so many behinds or you will get your behind kicked!!!

round five... are we still alive???

round five are we still alive??? round six will we be knocked for six??? round seven will i need to pray for redemption??? round eight will supporters escape via the gate??? round nine will i need a case of wine??? OMG viewers someone just hand me the literary award for lame poetry!!! hee, hee.

     well the first quarter the power were pumping and looked mighty alive. great start, awesome vibe, strong statement, excitement and  relief permeated the air like a thick fog. they were back. they listened. they responded to our calls. god i could hardly breathe through the perfume of victory. i was giddy. i was intoxicated by the scent of victory and hadn't even had any wine by that stage. (seriously i should have but unfortunately medical reasons prevent me from doing so) but alas as the quarters wore on, our pulse went into nose dive and we went into cardiac arrest and then practically dropped dead. FFF...S ( for friggin footballs) i should have used my commandress powers and strategically sent nurse pardon me onto the field with her defibrulator. however, she declined due to her parking fines and atm the lady army doesn't have sufficient spondoola to fund an assault on adelaide oval. (i must raise this at the next fundraising meeting...feralina NNN please put that in the minutes) we were left wondering... what on earth do we have to do to resuscitate the season? revive the players? do we give them an elecrtric shock? (actually electric shock therapy sounds a little drastic but just might be an avenue). come on boys i will administer it free of charge. you just gotta make your way over to papa joe's garage...on second thoughts not a good idea, he is a crows supporter and cannot be trusted...drats what else is there to do???

     apologise i guess. yes apologise as it seems to be the flavour of the month, so here it goes... dear footy gods i am deeply sorry for gloating over the crows demise in the last quarter against hawthorn...(it is so outta character) i am also very sorry (being the lady army commandress) for allowing my sister to bring in a cats supporter to sit amongst us with her evil voodoo ways. ( don't lie i saw that robbie gray doll in your purse lala) i am sorry for not selling enough port power raffle tickets and for using the sneaky back entrance to the ladies toilets while everyone else waits their turn in line. i am sorry for calling jimmy a malaka for holding onto the ball and kicking it out on the full. i am sorry for taking miss moroneys goldfish out of the tank in our classroom in grade one and accidentally... i am sorry for eating my boys easter egg stash and blaming it on my mother. i am sorry...OMG i can't bear to confess anymore! i am sorry hear me? yes very, very sorry except for maybe the first one, hee, hee. so now can you see fit to lift the curse from port adelaide so we can get back to playing team footy? because other than a curse it really defies logic or does it? ok we are getting smashed in the centre clearances, the hit outs, the contested footy, so maybe there is some logic after all folks but tough times call for action. i have to admit after listening to kochie upstairs after the game, i came very, very, very close to storming the stage and snatching that microphone so that the common voice of the supporter could be heard. and what would i have said...OMG we have our lord howe member fly all the way here in anticipation and this is the way you repay her loyalty? lovie is here too who has been supporting you since 1950 and you are driving her to drink wine from a secret thermos smuggled into adelaide oval because she is on a pension...OMG you ought to be ashamed of yourselves!!! 

    but seriously folks what would i have said? i would have said...no kochie the boots belong to the players not us. and if i could somehow transfer my passion and all of those who stand united to support this great club because we believe that port is capable of great things then i would but i can't. yes we suck atm but we have faced worse. and yes football is a cut-throat ruthless unforgiving if you don't suceed business and yes we have players out of form but do you know what i think? forget about finding form and start creating it. extinguish that collective negativity that looms on the horizon and dig deep, fake it until you make it. turn that one quarter into four and we will be back on the right track!!! 

(PS i am currently available for locker room motivational pep talks at a discounted rate...hee,hee) we just have to tough it out. there are no quick or easy answers for the truth is we do not know what goes on behind closed doors. however, i think it is time we took a bit of a back seat and shut up shop. admitting to being rattled, defending rumours may be perceived  as a sign of mental fragility or weakness. so instead keep your cards close to your chest boys, bluff your way if you have to, many a game has been won not on the cards you have but the skill with which you use them...new game, new mindset #overandout#weatherthestorm... 

stay strong viewers

love FFandF XXX
PPS the lady army has sent over some strategic support for round 6 funded by big ivan, many thanks, hee, hee...

#wearedumbfounded...#weareeatingcopiousamountsofchocolate...#weareinpain

OMFG ( oh my friggin footballs or insert another suitable phrase, hee,hee) viewers are you just as dumbfounded as myself? FFS ( for footy's sake...yes insert another suitable phrase of one's choice) how friggin' crapola was that? not what i expected. i genuinely thought we were in with a 50/50 chance and securing a win for the bank would have been a great bonus. i tipped with half a head and half a heart  round four and yes some of them i didn't pull off. should have listened to son number two and picked GWS but i was being optimistically positive and thought there were a few good signs from round 3 to work with. how wrong i was and have to say that was one of the worst displays (apart from the recent showdown) that i have witnessed and boy does it suck big time. our bad footy is certainly bad and our best footy is yet to come. yes i know we have seen it but seriously folks this is 2016 not 13, not 14 although i for one would put my hand up to transport our team back in time so they can see themselves playing with flair, fearlessness, confidence and skill. oh yes and actually playing as a team.

     what has happened folks? is there some footy sharman employed by another club lurking in the background? did some other club hand out port voodoo dolls as part of their membership package this year? did i forget to hand in my port raffle tickets again? mm, let me check...nope. OMG coz it doesn't make sense to me but let me pause for a moment...what round is it? mm, yes round four just finished and now we are about to enter round five. is it early days? well you could say so but after round five we are heading towards a quarter of the season having being played out so anything from there on is going to count big time. well anything from round one is going to count big time that is really the reality. you have to make every game count.

     have you set your membership on fire yet? have you written a letter of complaint to the club? have you camped outside the players residences chanting the creed with a megaphone 24/7? have you just lost your friggin" mind? well i have to admit i lost my resolve to not eat sugar and comfort ate my way through some chocolate, 70% mind you if that is any consolation. yes fellow fans i know you are angry, disappointed, shocked and wondering what on earth has happened to the darlings of the AFL who surprised everyone with their tenacity and never give up attitude in 2013. back then there was nothing to lose, no expectations just a feel good story that took a basket case to happy football land. then in 2014 we almost got that fairytale ending and i for one genuinely believe we could have pinched that premiership if things had just gone our way. to be so close yet so far away one would think that would have been motivation enough but as we saw from last season too many narrow losses did not equate into premiership points. we were coming good but it was too little too late...WAH!!! and yes not making finals after being touted premiership contenders one would think that also would be motivation enough to come back and prove the critics wrong.

     and now we are being faced with a barrage of criticism, media, fellow fans, other fans who have not wasted the opportunity to be smug. i heard one crows fan on triple m yesterday who thought he was a comedian describe hinkleys defence as the colander defence. well my answer to that is to not answer. so much can change in the blink of a handball and not wishing disaster upon anyone ( ok maybe a few, hee,hee, shame on me!!!) significant injuries can derail your path to success, just take the doggies right now for example as time will tell and test their resolve. however, having said that footy is also about being resilient and making the most and best of what you have as the eagles did last season when faced early on with two serious injuries. some perhaps would have written them off. so my advice to our team is put your thinking in charge and not your feelings. emotions lead to frustration, negativity creating a collective cloud that you don't want to be hanging over the club. how evident was that on sunday? vent your frustrations now, get it out in the open and all of you own it. forget about the blame game, forget about our injuries the fact we are without ryder and monfries. focus on now and what you can all do to turn things around. start showing some care for each other and lead by example. we should not have to have players apologising to us about performance. a performance will be forgiven if the effort is there, some days it is just not your day...end of story. 

     and the same can be applied to us the fans who turn up to each game to support our team no matter what. forget about the crows, they have every right to be happy and can afford to gloat as much as we hate it, we too must suck it up. ( i did watch the game and it was a great game of footy even though i was hoping they would lose in the dying seconds, lol) good football is good football regardless of who is playing and who you loathe. team first speaks for itself. and yes we are entitled to our opinion and should not have to sugar coat the truth. football is a brutal and dog eat dog industry now. it is a business influenced by sponsorship deals and driven by success on the field. it is not a part time endeavour where you can hang out at the pub with your mates and have a few beers after training. it is a full time job sought by those whose passion is to fulfill a childhood dream of playing at an elite level and being part of a team who can take home the prize. yet perhaps the difference could now  be in the desire and hunger to play. who is better off now? these elite players who have everything at their disposal, have everything monitored within an inch of their lives or the hard nuts of the past who didn't have to over think things or let alone front up to the media after a humilaiting loss? football for thought.

     i at least know where i stand or where i sit, lol. i will be back for footy business as usual and front up to the game on saturday night even though i have to get there when the gates open to secure our seats, that is my choice and i do what it takes to get the best possible vantage point. ( go lady army!!!) we should not allow this lapse to divide us now because then we play into the hands of those who will take delight in us turning against one another. i don't care if you have barracked for fifty years or fifty days we are all supporters, however, some of us know firsthand what it is like to see the great, the good, the bad and the ugly. and yes that game was a big pile of sh%t so time to flush it where it belongs...over and out!!!

FFandF :)  

Paul McCarthy' ballon sculpture...artsjournal.com
sums up last weeks game

round 1 last quarter resurrection...round 2 crucifixion...round 3 somewhat of a redemption

hello viewers yes it's me...have you written me off yet? apologies and yes perhaps i have slipped into some inconsistent writing form but i shall pledge to learn from it and move on. mm, round one, yes a victory folks some say unconvincing but at this stage of the season i wouldn't be complaining. they all add up when it comes to the tail end of the season just as well the boys decided to resurrect themselves in the last quarter. and yes i said they would win, personally i like to see more of an even and balanced effort but hey would you give the four points back? yes i hardly think so!!!

     one word to describe round two against our arch enemies...crucifixion. OMFF ( oh my friggin footballs) yep what can i say? i only watched the second half with feralina lady army life member. actually i forced myself to watch it and how friggin painful it was. OMG guys you know how much we all hate the crows and you just let them run riot. FFS ( for footy's sake) if i had been there i would have been tempted to jump the fence (with my now superior fitness) and deliver the message myself...MAN UP. YES FRIGGIN MAN UP!!! what is the matter with the coaching panel? even i, many times best and fairest winner of barneys rascals netball/basketball fame know in times of having your ass kicked you gotta man up and try and stem the flow. that they did not and the uncontested possessions say it all. how can a team possibly have 71 inside 50's and get thumped by 58? well obviously they can but enough of that. and if any of you are reading this then shame on you, suck it up, move on quickly and no panckaes for breakfast. the end.

     round three... of course the baggers were out in full force, collective negativism permeated the air like a wet blanket trying to suffocate passionate supporters. armchair analysts, backseat drivers OMG the list goes on. were you nervous? were you preparing yourself for the worst? come on don't fib! don't let anything get in the way of a good story...OMFG carlise out, so many injuries, doom and gloom. and hey throughout the week port were the media whipping boys. i suspect that should change now after round three coz right now richmond, collingwood and freo have more to answer for. but who cares about them? not me, (oops son number two does) but i have warned him trying to be somewhat positive (after all he is only 12)...the hawks lost their first three games, blah, blah, blah. but somehow i don't think we can put freo and hawks in the same basket anymore.

     just like port the lady army were under manned or should i say under womaned? but that didn't deter us. i knew we had to make a statement and silence the critics but 61 points was still not enough to shut up some of the baggers. (BTW sucked in tim watson and tony shaw how about you worry about collingwood instead?) seriously i think it is probably good, don't expect anything and let port go about its business. it's a brutal industry and we are not the darlings of the footy world anymore, the puppies are the flavour of the month and so they should be. but if anything can be said, still too early to tell and if you are inflicted with significant injuries well then everything can change in a handball. (and yes get some of that handball under control thanks guys). some of the disposals were atrocious. we need to tidy that up and get cleaner through the middle. and before i forget... huge condolences to bob murphy, a speedy recovery and hopefully nowhere near as bad as they suspect.

       so what do i think about round three? an acceptable victory considering we were without a few of our star players. the first quarter was good once we got going. we seemed to taper off in the second half but the bombers played a scrappy game. polec had a great game as well as broadbent, pittard. robbie wizard gray was outstanding. thought dixon was good but boaky and wines still not firing at their best. amon and jones were useful inclusions although i was predicting oshea to make a return to the back line. still room for improvement but hey i would rather be 2-1 than 0-3. seven from nine this round in the tipping. it is a collaborative effort this season between myself and son number two. glad i didn't let him pick bombers...really? still he tipped hawks but i went for the pace of the bulldogs to over run them. i am sure clarko would be satisfied with his come back kings, experience counts. many would have watched that game closely and  i for one will be watching the replay to see it for myself.

     and so onto round four viewers. a big challenge ahead for port with the emerging GWS who had a respectable loss to sydney. and let's see if sydney can topple the crows but somehow i think home ground advantage will not go in their favour. and yes i shall resist the temptation to invoke footy karma, hee,hee. and to the lady army, for those who are injured you will be recalled and have your allegiance tested for round five when we face those pussycats...MEOW!!! 

over and out,

love FFandF XXX 

PS we have found a new lucky charm but of course i can't tell you what it is...lol.

POWER rises to deliver fans first win...

the first three quarters pic by feralina nic

OMG viewere were you there? did the NTUA anthem give you goosebumps? 43,000 plus you gotta be happy with that, not bad for an easter effort. i say jesus move over the footy is back. and guess what? it is the lady army's official religion, lol!!!

well what were you thinking viewers? nervous, worried, wondering what the hell was going on? i thought the saints made the most of their opportunities. however, too many turnovers for my liking and seriously we were smashed in the centre clearances, well until three quarter time. praise be to the footy gods for that last quarter coz without those afterburners it looked as though that first win was going to slip from our grasp. by that stage i would have taken a one point win. in the end the wins add up and a minor win could be the difference come the business end of the season. brilliant last quarter, robbie wizard gray showed us the magic and well big bad charlie. what can i say about him? he is only going to get better...beware!

     the lady army have now resumed their official duties, (although one was missing...shame on her). i was there by noon being greeted by george fiacchi (who i incidentally went to highschool with)...mr. free easter eggs, nice touch PAFC but didn't you know i am now sugar free? hee,hee. surprisingly no security came to ask why i was lying across 12 seats ( they must have heard of my new improved fitness) and by about 1:30 i had sufficient reinforcements to make it look all very legitimate. that is one of the disadvantages of having an unreserved ticket but hey folks give me the boundary line anytime. there is something about being close to the action and feeling like a complete feralina that i connect with...mm, the feralina creed i must write something about that. the first game of the season started with a goal from the captain which sent the crowd into a frenzy and me into a false sense of security expecting four or five more. but lo and behold, fumbling, errors, turnover after turnover made us look wobbly and the saints blessed with some divine intervention. bloody drats i was saying,( or was tht something else? hee,hee) come on guys pull that finger out and power up. we must have been praying folks coz by the time the last quarter came around and we stripped a 21 point lead back down to 6 i knew we would win but wouldn't have predicted 33. the saints blessed ways came to an end as we outran, outpowered, outscored to bring home a respectable 33 point win to ressurect the season. however, don't get too confident fellow fans, one quarter of football aint gonna cut it for the long term. i shall reserve my judgement as i usually do for the first 4-5 weeks giving most sides time to find their feet, gel and iron out the creases in their footy armour. i must say some of the decisions regarding holding the ball ( does it actually exist anymore?) were ridiculous. still i prefer to see the game become more free flowing as the rule changes intended it to be and of course with the reduction of rotations  coaches are going to have to be more strategic. unfortunately if you lose a player as we did ( boo hoo) with white lightning then  rotations will become even more paramount. overall round one has shaped to be an AFL success, the pussycats could be dangerous but the doggies are the stars of the round playing football reminiscent of power 2013. youth, confidence and a fearless attitude could take this side a long way. but as always i believe it is wise not to count one's footballs until they have been kicked through the posts, experience may just be the defining factor, think hawks.

     so congratulations lady army for a fine fan effort. a big mention to our lord howe resident who made her way across the seas to join us. she could be shaping up as our lucky charm so i may have to crowd fund her membership this season so that she can attend all home games. special mention to feralina nic for documenting the lady army in pictures and another mention to that annoying supporter was she or wasn't she? can you please sit down we cannot see...blah,blah,blah...sorry lovie but one of our commandments is... thou shalt not temper the enthusiasm of the lady army and that folks is set in stone.

     seven from nine tips for round one. i should have stuck with the cats but i certainly did not forsee the shellacking that freo got. i expect they shall rise and redeem themselves in front of a home crowd. tigers were not convincng and pies were dismal. this week i have tipped the tigers but not by a big margin. and as for the showdown personally i never get overly excited particularly when it is a crows home game. 50/50, home ground advantage or ports tank, take your pick but of course i would love nothing more for our boys to get over the line...time will tell.

enjoy round two and may your team win but not by much and not if they are playing mine, hee,hee.

over and out.

love FFandF XXX

last quarter lady army going off...lol
pic by feralina nic