#thecrapchelorbymargie...alternative when your footy season seems to be going to hell, hee,hee

OMG viewers it’s the crapchelor… oops i mean the batchelor but i say i will stick with my rename. how many of you were excited to hear that cool bananas Richie was the new batchelor? come on admit it..maybe  the whole 3 of you in Australia, including his mum and sister?  don’t get me wrong Richie the abs 6 pack the third is a nice kinda guy if you like awkward, smelly and a little underdone on the tanning side… give me a bronzed he-man any day of the week i say, hee, hee, one preferably with a decent pair of shoes that does not offend my sensibilities. yes gal friends shoes can tell you a lot, well that’s my theory anyway. and any male sporting a pair of gug shoes or hiding them  in his closet or at his mamma’s house is gonna have to sacrifice them to the bad shoe bonfire and watch those suckers burn in man shoe hell. otherwise he ain’t gonna get into my guchas!!! (seriously that bit is true)

     well i have to admit i have sunk to an all time low this year. no shame here but i have recruited my 14 year old niece to be my batchelor viewing buddy much to the disgust of my sista. apparently she has dobbed me into the aunty police and there is a warrant out for my arrest. but don’t be alarmed folks, niece number one is getting an education in what not to do… and believe me she does get it. singing is out, giving him a gift is out, penning cryptic poems are out plus anything else demeaning and cringeworthy which is just about everything. seriously i would have kept those bacon roses lovie coz it certainly looked like there was not a lot of eating going on in that place!!!. but this show is soooo educational and soooo predictable that it has become boring. yep you heard me…boring with a capital B. if it wasn’t for kooky eliza singing to Richie and doing the cha,cha,cha or for the rise of the new villainess kira who seems to be quite pleased with herself i would have already plunged into a deep coma!!! i have to confess i am missing the excitement. the days when son number one lost the plot. the episode viewing nights when i could assert my authority and watch him whirl off in a rage angered at my apparent lack of television taste. the season where he ranted and raved and used somewhat offensive words against his own mother before storming out and slamming the door, shattering glass. yes folks all i have left of those days are the middle pane of glass still missing from the lounge room door to remind me. i know, it should have been fixed by now but i just haven’t got around to it.

     so what did niece number one and i surmise? nikki, ollena, megan in no particular order are the early favourites.  however, ollena is too cool and sophisticated for him. she is better off losing because her career is going to take off big time. plus if i hear one more reasonably attractive/beautiful/reasonably youthful,young woman lie about how she can’t find a man and has failed in love i will be demanding she take a lie detector test. nikki if she doesn’t make it can go into business selling bra tape because every dress she wears has a plunging neckline a steep as the grand canyon. and believe me viewers i have hiked part way down the canyon and it is pretty friggin steep and it is no easy feat.( just as keeping nikkis dress unstuck so there is no nipplegate) hmm, yes what is with this year folks? plunging necklines and splits up to the lady gardens. (you can tell which gals are the front runners coz they get the best dresses) another single mum…sorry alex they have already done that. and for any other ladies who lose there will be opportunities to become wags coz rumour has it half of the AFL football players are watching it when they should be training. which brings us to megan…yes megan who just happens to be an outdoorsy, down to earth kind of fun gal who coincidentally lives in wa. yes crapchelor followers if i had to choose from episode one then megan gets to peel richie’s bananas. apart from that and kira being cast as the villainess and potty mouth walking outta the show, big deal it really was all rather ordinary. yes there’s going to be a lot of pashing but i guess at least Richie rode the motorbike himself or was it a stunt double? until the next episode (incidentally i missed the first 15 mins of episode 2 and didn’t even realise) i hope you manage to keep awake. i am struggling, the truth is… shock, horror, i may  not even make it till the end…3 strikes and I’m out… one down, two to go. nighty night xxx 

slayed in the third...giants feast on finals hopes

image: portadelaide.com

the theme for this round was giant slayers but i am afraid without our viking charlie the best we could offer was half a game. cold...not make that frigging freezing the lady army (all four of us) toughed it out in miserable conditions. i was wearing my poncho which was more like in between, you know that freezer plastic you use to separate your fillet mignons? seriously in between probably would have stood up to the weather conditions. remind me never to buy those ponchos again!

     after the roos decided to come out and play and bound over the top of collywobbles easily and the saints pull out an upset it was a must win game. a must win game to keep the thread of finals hopes from finally unravelling and breaking beyond repair. and boy did it seem like that thread was going to be reinforced. wet, slippery conditions, fumble, fumble, fumble, slip, slip, slip, port managed to come out ready to climb the beanstalk and gain a glimpse of that finals golden egg. pressure was what i witnessed. a  tough contested first quarter which left me feeling optimistic. by the time half time had sounded port had kicked out to a 20 point lead in miserable conditions while we sat freezing our bums off almost too cold to cheer. trengove did his best to nullify the muminator and what a beast he is, apart from sandilands he and natanui are the monsters of the ruck world and i can see how they could do some damage.

      unfortunately the heroics of ebert, the never give up attitude of boak, trengove, man bun and the magic of robbie gray could not protect the lead from slipping into a six point deficit by the end of the third. personally i think they should just drop holding the ball out of the rule book because it simply does not exist. but when it does viewers, make no mistake it ends up favouring one team over the other and leads to gifted goals. and adding to that i also think they should bring in a height requirement for the umpires because they obviously cannot see what is going on, they stand too far back to adjudicate the game. give them a pair of high heels i say and maybe they might get a better view of the game...pftt!

     and so six points in the end accumulated to 19, not a thrashing but the win was there for the taking and port should have been on high alert after half time, particularly after that third quarter blitz. what can i say? i was freezing. i did my bit but the team failed to do theirs. much soul searching and analysis must proceed to find practical solutions to stitch this team together into a four quarter side. at the moment we are just tacked together and when the going gets tough we just split at the seams and our fabric is weakened. some supporters are becoming disheartened. part of me understands that. a team one kick away from  a tilt at the flag has not lived up to the expectation and how quickly things change. darlings to paling into insignificance if this path continues...but seriously let us not forget our achievements nor our circumstances. things do change quickly, some teams are now entering the injury zone which will be a disadvantage and some like the hawks are moving along nicely after having seemed to have paced themselves and controlling their march into september finals. i think i did predict a fourth flag for the hawks and at the moment although my prediction is not set in concrete it is beginning to dry.

    what a frustrating season it has been so far. mathematically along with divine intervention we supposedly are not out of the race. suggestion seems unlikely which would leave port missing finals two years in a row. and to some that is simply unacceptable. for me the reality is too many things have not fallen into place. i am a realist and i will bide my time and at this stage reserve my judgement. i am not prepared to throw my membership or scarf in the bin because simply i will never give up...

footy, food, friends and fun...the mini rejuvenation

what better way to rejuvenate and treat oneself then to take a little side trip for footy, food and fun in melbourne town folks?  i just love it but have to admit before i could decree i'm here someone had let the black cats out at alberton again...no ebert, followed by jonas does a hammy followed by you won't believe this but i didn't

even make it on to the plane. (yes you heard that last one) i could have given up there and then, unbelievable mistake on my part but i guess that's what you get when you book online and fail to wear your glasses. one stroke of the key and it can all go horribly wrong...translated...someone booked the wrong date, yes seriously. i paid the price by having to bump up my fare and get onto a fri afternoon flight instead. in the meanwhile little sista left me far behind and woke up the next morning ready to line up at lune croissant. a pastry paradise equivalent to any fine patisserie in paris. but then again i dodged a blood sugar bullet, hee,hee...or had i?

      of course transporting oneself to the culinary landscape of melbourne we have come to expect good food. yes fine fare. we are not ashamed to admit we are big time foodies. little sista a chef and myself a hobby baker have learnt and developed our exemplary culinary skills from the school of good cooking aka queen lovie herself and we have many a testimonial to prove it. ( just try market st cafe and you will know what i mean) but alas it seemed like someone had let the culinary black cats out in melbourne too. do i name the establishment? perhaps not but gluten free gnocchi strike one. unless it is an absolute dietary requirement advertising gluten free flour as the staple of your gnocchi in my books is merely a marketing ploy. really the gnocchi should have been advertised as pellets. and when the special is blueberry with walnuts and goats cheese well sucked in to us, we should have known better. but it was melbourne and i was open to the possibility of some culinary genius only to be served up a dirty dish with rubber scallops, crab meat and chickpeas peppered with caviar. sorry but my inkling of possible culinary genius was really culinary garbage. and to think i had eaten nothing all day in preparation for my feast! big drats! and that folks made me incredibly nervous because flight to food, was the same going to be said of the footy? 

ps...i ate the almond croissant when i got home.

     however all was forgiven when we were finally able to crack the chin chin waiting list. four times and i hadn't been able to get a table. being tactical we decided to go for lunch instead and were not disappointed one little bit. its reputation is well deserved. the service is informative but casual. our waiter john very helpful in making recommendations from the menu.  the tables are close, close enough to chat to your culinary neighbours. we met three different couples by the time we had stretched out our lunch long enough to leave and walk to etihad stadium from flinders lane. highlight for me was the sashimi kingfish, absolutely exquisite. highlight for my dining companions were the two young men who seemed to take a liking to mature ladies, hee,hee. all was delish, delish, delish. even sago which normally would not appeal to me was transformed into a lush dessert, sweetness delivered with an A+. i recommend a dining experience here for your culinary to do list, it is worth the effort but lunch is probably easier to crack than dinner as chin chin does not take bookings.

     and if our lunch wasn't good enough what was to follow was even better. an awesome win by the power who set it up in the first quarter with a huge blitz to leave the roos boundless and us feeling a little closer to optimistic that stranger things could yet prevail. a good win and  the thread of finals hope still intact. a celebratory drink with friends later in a city bar finished off a rather pleasant day before heading home to the Victorian branch of the lady army headquarters. thankyou hostess with the mostest!

     another culinary find awaited us the following day as we made our way into town via the train minus our victorian arm of the lady army who was given a pass out. rock, paper scissors in liverpool street was recommended by a friend and it also did not disappoint. small but cosy one would be advised to book for lunch but luck was on our side. we perused the menu and took up the offer of 5 dishes for two at 59 bucks. a refreshing coconut water in a fat glass jar with fresh lime was the perfect tonic. home made prawn dumplings, duck salad, kingfish ceviche, asian greens with mushrooms and thai fried chicken left us more than satisfied. absolutely delicious, service friendly, unpretentious and another one to add to your culinary bucket list when visiting melbourne. lunch was followed by visiting the edgar degas exhibition at the NGV with my buddy pascoe who entertained us with details of her bunnings coffee date. yes viewers he is now off her list and just as well i say. (she should have been checking out the tool section instead for a replacement, ba ha ha ha ha). the degas exhibition was fabulous. his pastels, paintings and sculptures combined to showcase his versatility and diversity of subject matter....horses, nudes and dancers. if you get a chance to go i recommend it, you don't have to be a pretentious arty to enjoy and appreciate it. 

until round 18 bon appetit viewers... may your team serve you an appetising dish as long as they are not playing against mine!!!
FFFand F XXX

are the hawks circling or will they plummet come tail end???

www.pinterest.com

would you consider us gallant in defeat? i don't know but i would consider it a pretty good effort considering...but then again i forgot we are not allowed to make excuses for injury. funny that isn't it? when it comes to north melbourne it seems quite OK to flash the injuries card, perhaps for a few other sides too. but yes i forgot we are playing in the VFL...oops silly me make that AFL.

     if i was going to ditch footy well then thursday night might have driven me to it. FFS (for footys sake, hee,hee) what has happened to the holding the ball rule? why don't they just delete that one from the rule books coz it seems it doesn't get paid anymore. and if one is paid, surely you would think it would go both ways? seemingly not. all i will say is that perhaps the AFL should consider an umpire height requirement coz #29 needed to borrow my high heels so he could get a better view of the game. and i thought razor ray was height challenged!!! ba ha ha ha ha, gee i'm funny, make that hysterical, i guess it depends on your sense of humour.

     thursday night loomed as a huge game. have to say i was feeling confident. confident enough to know we had it in ourselves to beat the hawks as we had done it before without a few. and it certainly seemed that way. such a pity ebo left the game early coz ( gutsy mark) i do think he could have made the difference between winning and losing. i am glad that he seems to have recovered from what looked like possible broken ribs from such a thud. it was tough, it was brutal but we certainly did not disgrace ourselves. something about hawks and their composure to perform under pressure. something about hawks and the way they play unsociable football or is it simply a little thuggery? it was a must win game for them to prove that they had what it takes to dispense of their bogey side. up until half time there was only a goal in it. the third obviously let us down, too many gaps, we began to come apart at the seams and the hawks just shred their way through to take a handy lead and assert their dominance. must say i am not overly keen on thurs night fixtures. not when you have to go to work. and not when that particular friday is the last day of the term.

     however i have found a new player to admire. in fact my affection for him has been growing and with that affection comes a nickname to go along with it. hail charlie the viking. OMFF (oh my friggin footballs) ! did you see him flick gibson aside as if he were a mere flea? that in itself was priceless and come to think of it pretty damn funny. pity he couldn't have capitalised on that effort to really turn it into something spectacular. just give him time viewers and charlie the viking will lead the forward line to victory...just remember you heard it from me first, hee,hee.

     and of course it was all about the hawks and how good they are. personally i think experience is their friend, not as good as earlier years but sometimes it is experience that makes the difference between raising the cup and crying into your footy socks. are the hawks circling? are they about to swoop down upon the prey below them? one thing is for certain they are never a team to be written off but a little help from the umpires also doesn't seem to go astray. i'm with titus o'reilly on this one folks. the hawks must be stopped, the fourthorn train must be derailed and sent hurtling off its tracks. no way do i want to see hawthorn claim number four but then again i don't want to see the crows pinch a flag either. i do want to see the roos go into free fall starting with a loss against us this saturday (which incidentally will be well represented by the lady army). who knows stranger things could happen but if they don't the doggies are the ones for me. i will put them above the rest. until the game begins, keep warm, keep cozy and stay tuned coz from here on in it could be one big roller coaster ride. who would have thought the pies would have nullified the giants stride? still enough games to shape the final eight and i for one do hope stranger things really do come to fruition! perhaps i shall set my crystals out in the moonlight. perhaps i shall find a pair of lucky undies. perhaps i shall seek the services of a shaman to...perhaps i shall just go to the footy and put my booming voice to good use!

love FFFandF XXX 

image: globalnews.ca

heave ho freo were a no show... plus tigers roar a mere meow...

apologies viewers have been expending so much energy trying to find the nutella jar that i almost forgot i had a blog to write, hee, hee. unfortunately the nutella is gone...wah, wah, wah, but at least my blood sugar levels shall remain respectable for the time being! now if i could only transfer my enthusiasm for nutella to the rest of the season or to the entire team then i have no doubts we would be winners! who knows we might just grab that loose vine and swing into the eight. it ain't over until all mathematical possibility has vanquished. and my prediction? if roos lose to eagles then watch out, they may just nosedive out of the eight. now wouldn't that be a spectacular story? just remember you heard it from me first, hee, hee...just call me the footy psycho, i mean psychic!

     well first things first. thanks freo for nothing. the week i decide to surprise son number two with a birthday trip to the G is the week you decide to not turn up. OMG pathetic crowd folks, a measly 20, 000 had son number two questioning me what was so great about the MCG. i did have to inform him, come finals time, it is the place to be and during a big clash, take hawks vs swans...66,000 but those days seem to be few and far in between. and why is that so VFL? oops i mean AFL? other than that dismal effort and the fact i didn't win the airline tickets the rest of our weekend was pretty awesome. we managed to survive the arctic conditions. all in all son number two was pretty happy with his surprise and we certainly made the most of it...visualise crispy skin duck with steamed pancakes at supernormal. i am telling you folks that place never disappoints and what better way to forget about that previous loss then to nick off to melbourne town. (although it seems rather ironic i take son number two to watch the team that defeated us previously). seriously freo why couldn't you have played that rubbish when you faced us? the reality is folks i had a feeling it could be a danger game, 3 games in a row, the freo fans decided to turn up for a change, mm...what happened the previous few weeks guys? and what's the point anyway? drats, not fair...

     now to the tigers or should that be kitty cats? pussycats? moggies? or perhaps some other name? i bet a few of their fans could think of a few choice ones. funny when you are not doing so well how easy it is to take the piss out of a teams name and turn it into something else. according to some we clearly are a power failure but i say there is still a bit of a spark left. granted that might depend on other teams results whether it comes to life to generate some power, in my heart of hearts i hope it does. and btw why is it that the tigers finals hopes seemed to still be alive according to the media yet ports done and dusted? why is it that we never seem to get much credit for the fact that we have had significant injuries and no top up players? yes that's right we are port adelaide, silly me i forgot!

     well what were you expecting from that cold drizzly thursday night? did you tip port? i did by 43.( however i must admit when i received the text to say hombsch was a late withdrawal i was rather disheartened) and to be honest after the arctic conditions at the MCG i could have probably turned up in a sleeveless guernsey...on second thoughts maybe not, after all i do have ducted gas heating. the cold is not my friend folks but i did go prepared. plastic poncho, paper towels, plastic garbage bags to keep things waterproof. must admit there were a few less in our section, seems that some fleed for the undercover but not us the lady army. we even had reinforcements, (thankyou loyal member from lord howe island) and for those not in attendance please fill in your please explain cards and pop them in the post. 

     the first quarter folks saw us behind the eight ball. seemed like the tiges had come out to play. the deck was wet, slippery and at times the ball hard to handle. still there was only one goal in it. were fans already freaking out? i don't know but kenny must have. i don't know what he said to them at quarter time ( and maybe it cannot be repeated) but it certainly struck a chord because what was to follow was a seven goal blitz that raised ther roof and instilled a level of confidence into the fans that felt a definite win was on the cards. i almost forgot to mention that freak first goal by wolfman. how was that viewers? imagine that as the last winning goal in a grandfinal? that certainly would be legendary...dream,dream,dream...westhoff somehow manages to get boot to ball, the siren sounds and the power have pinched the flag...oops back to reality. and that reality is that for a makeshift team if we apply ourselves and maintain effort then we are in with a shot. have to say great coaching and match ups. the one thing i like about kane mitchell is his effort. thought his game was good and to cap it off with a clever snap was a little icing on the cake for him and well deserved. loved ebo's effort and intensity. his run down tackle for an almost certain goal was fantastic just as little neades tackle and krak's dive on the goal line. and to see schulzy back in the side doing the little things that count was another highlight. i for one think he has been sorely missed. would have loved to see him kick a few but early days. certainly a lot of good things to take out of the game. boak returned to some of the form we know he is capable of and led the team with vigour and passion which seemed to have been lacking. but of course they will say it is only richmond. only richmond who were supposedly going to be a top four side. only richmond who have managed to lose the last three finals they have played in. true yes it was only richmond but it was only port adelaide's tackling which drove the tigers outta the jungle. and that folks was one of the huge differences at the end of the game. the ferocity of the tackling, the willingness to get in there is what intensity and desire is all about. and hey if one gets a bit wet so be it. a fair price to pay for victory and victory is always sweet especially at home.

     so for this round viewers it is time to face the hawks. we seem to have become their bogey side. loved witnessing the victory last year at etihad when no-one gave us a chance. indeed that was a convincing win and i am going out all optimistic for another one tomorrow. weather doesn't look great but that won't dampen my spirits. nothing that a bit of paper towel can't fix. so come on power fans time to come out in full force and fill the oval stands. be loud, be proud...#weareportadelaide

time for some roast hawk dinner folks...hee,hee

love FFFandF XXX