OMG viewers
it’s the crapchelor… oops i mean the batchelor but i say i will stick with my
rename. how many of you were excited to hear that cool bananas Richie was the
new batchelor? come on admit it..maybe
the whole 3 of you in Australia, including his mum and sister? don’t get me wrong Richie the abs 6 pack the third
is a nice kinda guy if you like awkward, smelly and a little underdone on the
tanning side… give me a bronzed he-man any day of the week i say, hee, hee, one
preferably with a decent pair of shoes that does not offend my sensibilities. yes
gal friends shoes can tell you a lot, well that’s my theory anyway. and any
male sporting a pair of gug shoes or hiding them in his closet or at his mamma’s house is gonna
have to sacrifice them to the bad shoe bonfire and watch those suckers burn in
man shoe hell. otherwise he ain’t gonna get into my guchas!!! (seriously that
bit is true)
well i have to admit i have sunk to an all
time low this year. no shame here but i have recruited my 14 year old niece to
be my batchelor viewing buddy much to the disgust of my sista. apparently she
has dobbed me into the aunty police and there is a warrant out for my arrest. but
don’t be alarmed folks, niece number one is getting an education in what not to
do… and believe me she does get it. singing is out, giving him a gift is out,
penning cryptic poems are out plus anything else demeaning and cringeworthy
which is just about everything. seriously i would have kept those bacon roses
lovie coz it certainly looked like there was not a lot of eating going on in
that place!!!. but this show is soooo educational and soooo predictable that it
has become boring. yep you heard me…boring with a capital B. if it wasn’t for kooky
eliza singing to Richie and doing the cha,cha,cha or for the rise of the new
villainess kira who seems to be quite pleased with herself i would have already
plunged into a deep coma!!! i have to confess i am missing the excitement. the
days when son number one lost the plot. the episode viewing nights when i could
assert my authority and watch him whirl off in a rage angered at my apparent
lack of television taste. the season where he ranted and raved and used somewhat
offensive words against his own mother before storming out and slamming the
door, shattering glass. yes folks all i have left of those days are the middle
pane of glass still missing from the lounge room door to remind me. i know, it
should have been fixed by now but i just haven’t got around to it.
so what did niece number one and i surmise?
nikki, ollena, megan in no particular order are the early favourites. however, ollena is too cool and sophisticated
for him. she is better off losing because her career is going to take off big
time. plus if i hear one more reasonably attractive/beautiful/reasonably
youthful,young woman lie about how she can’t find a man and has failed in love i
will be demanding she take a lie detector test. nikki if she doesn’t make it
can go into business selling bra tape because every dress she wears has a
plunging neckline a steep as the grand canyon. and believe me viewers i have
hiked part way down the canyon and it is pretty friggin steep and it is no easy
feat.( just as keeping nikkis dress unstuck so there is no nipplegate) hmm, yes
what is with this year folks? plunging necklines and splits up to the lady
gardens. (you can tell which gals are the front runners coz they get the best
dresses) another single mum…sorry alex they have already done that. and for any
other ladies who lose there will be opportunities to become wags coz rumour has
it half of the AFL football players are watching it when they should be training.
which brings us to megan…yes megan who just happens to be an outdoorsy, down to
earth kind of fun gal who coincidentally lives in wa. yes crapchelor followers
if i had to choose from episode one then megan gets to peel richie’s bananas. apart
from that and kira being cast as the villainess and potty mouth walking outta
the show, big deal it really was all rather ordinary. yes there’s going to be a
lot of pashing but i guess at least Richie rode the motorbike himself or was it
a stunt double? until the next episode (incidentally i missed the first 15 mins
of episode 2 and didn’t even realise) i hope you manage to keep awake. i am
struggling, the truth is… shock, horror, i may not even make it till the end…3 strikes and I’m
out… one down, two to go. nighty night xxx
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